Thursday, November 29, 2007

Please don't bother trying to find her.....

Spotted tonight at Walgreen's (the most wonderfullest place in the whole wide world!!!)
In the throes of a 48hour bug, I sought the comfort of a new humidifier, but didn't feel well enough to shop for it until about 11 this evening. Composing myself and disguising the shambles that I've become, I headed toward Walgreen's. Fun Fact: Walgreen's has been the most dependable thing in my life in the last 7 to 9 years. Dwell on the sadness of that for a moment, and then realize that I have come to depend upon Walgreen's more than almost any other relationship. Somehow no matter what I'm shopping for, I've found it at Walgreen's, seen it on the shelf, or just known that they would have it, but this is not the focus of this entry, SHE is.

She will remain nameless, mostly because I would much rather pin my expectations, judgment and bias on my impression of her, than know her name. Join me in judgement won't you?

So it's 11 o'clock on a Wednesday night, no one is out because the wind is making a serious issue out of it. But here I am, disoriented, congested, and bleary comparing overpriced humidifiers on aisle 9 at Walgreen's when SHE steps out of my periphreal and into this blog.

She was a not ugly white woman, that I would peg somewhere near her dirty 30s(that special time in a woman's life when she says "fuck it" to the plans she had as a young girl, and wildly gets her fuck, drink, and party on) but someoone had saved her from herself. I could see her washing off the scent of her dirty 30s with every step she took. But no matter what, you can't help but be who you are right? Even if you are wearing a wedding dress and veil. Let me repeat that, a wedding dress, a veil, a pair of ballet slippers and a denim jacket that wasn't going to stop the wind outside or the advance of her past on the current proceedings. I immediately thought to myself, how strange that a bride would look so much like a wife.

As brides go, she had none of that hope, none of that careless self centered unease. Her uneasyness was entirely based upon experience and not expectation, you could tell by the way she looked at the sleep aids on the shelves. I swear I tried not to judge, tried not to linger too long on her visage, but I was struck.

My humidifier under my arm, I headed toward checkout and chided myself for being the snobbish asshole we all know me to be, and then there she was again, taking forever to check out. As the cashier rang up two huge bags of scented votive candles, the Bride produced the largest zippered bag of prescription pharmaceuticals I have ever seen. I could easily count 2o different amber bottles packed tight head to foot, foot to head. Who carries that many drugs with them at any given time? Why was she having such a hard time checking out? Why did I get the feeling that she had not just come from her bacheleorette party, but that this was her wedding night?

From what I'm told brides make for uneasy bedfellows, so do wives, but for far different reasons. Here is to the Bride of Walgreen's and her large bag of drugs, I hope you have a safe middle passage.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I cannot wait to completely forget you, and deeply regret you; getting close to me...

Once more into the fray. I'm at it again, how long will it take to ruin this relation ship, that showed such promise such spark. I am a professional at this you know, I approach a new relationship like the cast and crew of Extreme Home Makeover, carefully budgeting for the establishing shots, teardown, and the big reveal. So watch my dust I will keep you posted.

How is this for an establishing shot?

We met for drinks and dinner at a restaurant that should be crowded with the type of people that Denver needs to become vital. Instead it was crowded only with the broken hopes of the thin young men and women, stuck at work at this pretty restaurant on a frost bitten night in downtown Denver. But hey, wasn't gonna let that spoil the mood, the air was sweet with the hope of being able to take three steps and not think about my last relationship. I was cautiously optimistic, to say the least.

It was all totally her idea, and I am forever grateful. I sat down next to her at the bar, and within seconds I was in the center of her storm, it felt good to be carried away by the winds of youthful exuberance, and battered by the flash of her artisitic brilliance. She is one of the most singularly artistic people I have ever met. She simply cannont help it, she sees art, where we see the world. Beautiful.

And what was really cute, is that she's at the age where the idea of being bitter, codgered and ill at ease, is romantic to her, within seconds she was in the middle of my storm, and now I doubt that she still feels that way. There's a big difference between the idea of a dissatisfied life, and an actual dissatisfied life, I think she came up close and personal for the first time with true despair. I hope that one look into the breach was enough to make her retreat from the edge.

Let me put you at ground zero: as we sipped our boutiqe martinis, I was careful not to "be on a date" I was excited just to talk. So I was just talking to her and she told me that she was a skynic. "I'm skeptical and cynical, and I like it." I smiled and replied that she was full of shit, (you can't shit a bullshitter, bullshit's a bargain, that's why I carry turds in my pocket) "you my dear, you wreak of optimism and positivity." And you know what? I wasn't just taking the piss, I meant that. How wonderful to wreak of optimism? I used to, in fact I'm still known to my close friends as the most blindly resillient brother they know. HA HA! As if I would only open my eyes, I would concede defeat right? But I digress.....

We didn't even eat dinner, she was my sustinance. (Okay, I- just like you, just threw up in my mouth a little. But it's true! ) I wasn't hungry for food, being with her. Being around her, makes the idea of eating to live obsolete. Why consume food, when you could consume her?) And so, I continued to feast on her. And her breasts continued to try and break out of the camisole that she was almost wearing out. "I'm having a hard time talking to you and looking you directly in the eyes," admonishing her breasts with her left hand again before saying, "my mind races to so many things I'd rather do than talk to you when I look in your eyes."

Sex, the lack of it, and need for it, lets us forget many important things, until sex is no longer lacking. Then we focus on all those wrong things. How long will it talke to tear down these feelings and reveal the big mess? I told you I'm an expert at this,watch my dust.

Together, we shared disdain, and then she asked: is there anything you're afraid of? Success. I said and I laughed so long and hard I realized I hadn't truly laughed in a long time. She knew I wasn't kidding, and she still didn't run away. "I'm afraid of snakes," and I laughed again. For I know now there are far worse things than snakes to be afraid of.