"I need to own my sexuality, and this is about owning my sexuality!"
"Good for you Kim" Tammy's eyes lock on mine, the trace of a smile crosses her face just blow her eyes.
"I mean, I am tired of guys getting everything they want, and me feeling like I had to be somebody I wasn't just to get what I wanted. I mean if I want a little sumpin' sumpin' I should get me a lil' sumpin' sumpin, and not have to reconcile my feelings afterward, right?"
"You Damn Right Kim, girl!" Tammy is excited now, she's sitting up, leaning into the thought of a sexually liberated roommate with measurements like a Jet Beauty of the Week.
"Kim, you cannot let society decide for you, what is right and wrong, you gotta have your own personal barometer. Only you know what's best for you."
And what's best for you, is fucking me, as soon as possible. I am tired of going to sleep at night on bone thinking about the way you wear your hat, they way you sip your tea, your incredible ass, no no, they can't take that away from me.
"The next dude I see, that I want, is gonna get it....all of it." Waitaminnit, she is not even looking at me! Tragedy.
"Kim girl, we jus' gon' have to make us a little list, because you know you can have any nigga on this campus that you want, we just need to decide who you want." Because who you want is me, Tammy is thinking. Hell, she's been thinking it out loud since Kim moved into her apartment, probably thinking it to herself since Kim was an undergrad here 2 years ago. I don't think Tammy is necessarily a lesbian, she enjoys fucking me when everyone least expects it, waaay too much. I think that she, like me is just so wildly attracted to the presence that is Kim. Mmmmm, Kim, the most beautiful skin like perfectly warm buttery toast, pulled up to impossibly full lips that destroy conventional beauty with even the slightest twist. Her eyes are dark enough to build a mystery out of the girl next door. She is the girl next door, and you want to be inside her, be her, be hers. It's like she's the American Dream. Man I'm scared to take my masturbating too far, because how in the world could the real thing ever live up to what I imagine? Yeah right, like I'm going to see any parts of the pussy! Right now, I am kicked out of school, but nobody knows that, going broke, but credit cards can't tell that, and I'm not exactly making that splash in the music industry that I thought I was going to. Maybe when I get to New York this fall, I'll be able to shine, nobody got ears like mine. Not any of these label guys, or my DJ partner, even though his skills are better, he knows it's 90 percent selection, and as a selector? Sheeit, nobody is fucking with me, kid. Nobody.
Kim knows better than to bring her ass to the campus parties, she is too old for this shit, and Tammy, she is way too smart to be a regular girl, but she can turn that shit off for the right chubby lover. Yup, Tammy is a big girl, it's like she has put this weight on to shield her from the disapproving stares in classrooms when she knows all the answers. Imagine the looks when she asks questions even the Professor can't answer. She has got to be the smartest person in the Biology program here at school, easy. She's an underclassmen but she is doing TA work better than the grad students? She's going to Nova Scotia or some shit this winter to study micro-organisms and the beginning of time, and man I am so fucking jealous of her that when I'm fucking her I pull out so she can't ever get a rhythm and really enjoy it. Man I torture her all the time, teasing her labia and clit with the head of my penis, for hours. Sucking on her clit and witholding pentration until she is moaning and writhing beneath me, hot and wet, looking for a purpose, any reason to be. Satisfaction. It's only then, when Tammy is so wet that I can hear her every twist and turn with out looking, when her eyes are closed tight and her face is flushed red, that's when I'm ready. It's easty to hold back because I despise her. Who the fuck is she to be smarter than me, wittier than me, more comfortable with herself. Once I am inside her, everything that was still is moving, her breath starts again, her hips lock and she squeezes her pussy tight to hold me deep inside her and I oblige by staying perfectly still as deep as I can go inside her. I squeeze my hips and arch my back like a sun salutation. And I am greeting the sun, Tammy has some of the best pussy ever. Maybe it's all because of that sliding scale that says the more you detest a person the better the sex, or maybe it's just because she's so hungry for everything in life including me. I can feel her devouring my energy, and this is why I never cum when we are together, at least this is what I'm telling her.
"I don't want to end up on the wrong side of the energy wheel"
"What the fuck? What kind of bullshit- energy wheel? Nigga please"
"I'm sayin tho, we each bring our energy to this bed, and if I cum, I give all that to you. That's why dudes fall asleep and chicks start wanting more. You are on top of the energy wheel."
"so if you don't cum, right now, if you refuse to cum right now, where does that leave us on the energy wheel?"
"equal, even if you cum, as long as I don't we are equal. basically that means, I could fuck you all night."
"bitch please. you gon' fuck me all night..."
"you saying I won't?"
"i'm saying you can't"
"what are you gonna do if i fuck you all night tammy." and she just starts giggling, and cumming, she's spilling out of herself, sliding down the shaft of my dick coating my balls, just getting wetter, and wetter.
"tammy...hey.....tammy" i lean in to whisper, "you know I'm going to fuck you all night right?" she just breathes deep and pulls my head into the crook of her neck, and I don't come up for air for hours.
the next morning we really ain't slept, we been speculating too much. "do you think kim can hear you fucking me?" "she gotta hear the bed, very least....we fucked for like 5 hours!" "i still can't believe your ass did not cum. you crazy bougie muthafucka, is that what they teach yo ass in denver?" "something like that," i lean over to suck on her titty, just below the nipple, but not to leave my mark, I'm already disgusted with myself for fucking her again.
"if you keep fucking me like that, i don't know if i'm going to be able to share you with kim" she doesn't know, she's sharing me with a couple of chicks right now, actually she knows, but i try my best to make her think that the only pussy i think about when i'm alone is hers...and kim's which is allowed, because that's the only pussy tammy thinks about.
"do you think kim will do it? do you think she'll fuck a woman?"
"she'll fuck me. i know it, i can tell. it don't matter if she thinks she's gay. she will fuck me. we just have this connection. I can feel it. we just got to expand her mind."
"how do we expand her mind?"
"we get her to fuck you. she knows you fuck me, if she fucks you, then it's not a stretch to fuck us both. tell me that sex would not be the shit, you me and her, just fuckin'!"
"hold up, she knows we fuck? nobdy is supposed to know we fuck. so if nobody knows we fuck, why does kim know we fuck? better yet, why are you telling kim that we fuck?"
"uh, I...." come up with something good Tammy, because I hate you more than ever right now, disgust is disolving into shame because not only did I fuck your fat ass all night, Kim, beautiful perfect Kim knows that I'm not your cousin like we tell people. I am your lover, and not just a lover, a chubby lover. Fuck me.
"I had to tell Kim, you don't understand." "nope, I sure the fuck don't. but I'm starting to understand what the fuck I'm not going to be doing anymore." Now I'm looking for my clothes, eff a shower, I'm outta here.
"shit, wait, don't be mad. I know we said we wouldn't tell anyone, but....that dick was just sooo good, I had to tell her!"
"fuck you. now you got jokes too? say good bye to me and the 'good dick'."
"for reals. I'm not playing, the dick is good, it's real good. I been telling kim that she needs to get some. and she's been thinking about it."
"she's been thinking about it? word?"
"yes nigga, she's been trying to get her courage up to ask you for some dick. she's been trying for like a week!"
"word? a week?"
"yes, nigga." Tammy is moving closer to me now, and my skin is starting to crawl, but I'm getting hard at the thought of Kim getting her courage up to get with me!
"we are going to fuck her little fine ass, watch, just make sure you can handle it, negro." sheeit, I can handle it, i think i can handle it.
"you just turn over on your back and spread your legs for me."I don't know if she's giggling because she got me to stay, or because her evil plan was coming together, but as I hate fucked Tammy again that morning,I kept imagining it was Kim. I didn't think Tammy would mind.