She had the kind of body that I knew would make me regret it if I didn't get to sleep with her. Incredibly fit for her age not suffereing any effects of her 30s. Wow, was all I could think to myself as she moved my way and took a seat at the table. looking back now it's amazing how comfortable I felt, after all; this was my first date in more than 3 years. Amazing for me, I know! A chance encounter led to an "honest" conversation and an exchange of numbers, which led to this evening, not a date- more like a "go see." Just a chance to see what's poppin. What was poppin? Me, fool! Swagger was not the word for it, this was pure, unadulterated flow, or at least I thought so.
I guess I'm failing to mention that my homies were on one side of the table taking their sweet fucking time moving on to the rest of what the evening had to offer, problem. Stil I thought I was charming, funny and just a touch sensitive, I was unaware that she was, what's the word? uncomfortable. But hey, I'm one of those big blustery personalities, all volume and another good story. I kept the party going or so I thought, though I managed to drop hints of my own doom saying things like "I feel like I'm doing all the talking here." Nevertheless, the evening ended late, later than she thought it would, always a good sign.
I retired home, confident in my accomplishment, I had tried the waters of the dating pool, and managed not to drown but to do a pretty impressive back stroke. Still, I couldn't suppress that nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong, things go wrong with me, that's what happens. This is the character I've created for myself, and my life's events all seem to bear the stain of this character trait: tragedy. Of course, one man's tragedy is just about everybody else's comedy, so people tend to think I'm funny; and I am, if tragedy=comedy, I'm REALLY funny.
So speaking of really funny, the next night I meet a few friends out for art and cocktails, but mostly cocktails. Question: is the sad girl with the bad songs our punishment for 2 dollar drinks? Man, there ought to be a law, now more than ever we need editors! (said the guy with the blog) Sometimes it feels like open mic people are punishing us for ignoring them and having a good time in spite of their poorly rhymed poem about everything that's wrong with hip hop (Complaining poets maybe?) Other times the world gets real small, like this night. All of a sudden I go from never having seen this woman, to seeing her out at the smallest out of the way place in the world, whoa! Some might call this serendipity, but I prefer another "s" term which is FAR more appropriate: schadenfreude. But I swear to you, I was trying to make it serendipitous.
At first I thought: What good fortune! we can skip the follow up call, gain some points for like interests, and seal the deal with the dinner invitiation. Everything's coming up Millhouse! I mean, things just don't go this well for me! Oh yeah, that's right, things DON'T go this well for me. So before you know it, I'm off and running, again, this time about numerology, and the celestial vibe that is forcing all of us to choose the path of light and less resistance or another path which will make things harder for us. ('Tis true, I would link to a post, but I'm already looking like a nut, just google: "light warriors." Check it, the heavy 9 vibration this year is compelling us all to finish our unfinished business, and choose a path, this shit is especially heavy for me, seeing as how my life path number is 9, my birthday number is 9, everything about me is 9. But I digress, if that's possible...) Now I think this shit is fascinating, but it turns out what it really is, is yet another one of the filters that my homie told me about, that help us eliminate people from our lives that will do us no good. At least it's one of the filters that's easy to listen to. I believe those filters, or red flags or whatever are constantly there, sometimes we heed them, but most times we ignore them, because after all how many times have you come to the end of another failed relationship wondering how you got there, and then turned around and noticed all the signs, filters and red flags that you gleefully ran over, ignored or just plain didn't trust? I can't be alone on this.
So back to the point, by the time I got to the "celestial light warriors," part I could see her looking for the eject button- and she found it, when the weirdest person in the bar, just happened to be an old friend of mine. By the time I had returned from my "what ups" and "long time no sees," and "how's the Paxil working out for you"she was gone, and at that very moment I knew just how gone she was. There would be no points scored, no dinner invitation, and regretably, no athletic sex with that plump set of breasts, smallest waist and biggest ass I've seen on a 33 year old, who just happened to be a Tarus, so you know what that means in the sack! Now I'm feeling all Florida Evans, like "damn, damn, damn james! couldn't you have just kept it closed long enough to see the titties?!!. " Worst of all, there would be no days of anticipation, no schemes, no 3 pronged date ending the next morning, just a return to normalcy, and another chance to finish my unfinished business, which is unfinished for some very good reasons.
